Learning to Walk and Eat All Over Again

Since starting my new commute, I’ve learned two valuable life lessons that I think are worth passing along to my plate-spinning compatriots.

First, walking on a busy city sidewalk is not unlike driving on a busy road. There are rules and for the well-being and mental health of quick-striding commuters everywhere, please take heed. Especially during rush hour.

  1. Slow walkers, stay to the right.
  2. Don’t text and walk.
  3. Don’t talk on the phone and walk.
  4. Don’t smoke and walk.
  5. Don’t read and walk.
  6. Don’t drink hot coffee and walk.
  7. Don’t cut other people off, especially when they’re carrying hot coffee.
  8. Keep your bags to a minimum and whatever you do, don’t drag them behind you on a rickety little luggage cart for people to trip over.
  9. Don’t walk in front of fast-paced walkers and stop dead in your tracks.
  10. Obey the traffic signals, especially if you’re hell bent on texting, talking on the phone, smoking or reading while you’re walking.

Second, sucking on potato chips like they’re throat lozenges just to keep your cube neighbor from throttling you while you eat lunch at your desk takes all the joy out of eating them. The same holds true for baby carrots. I even tried carrot chips. It wasn’t pretty (or tasty).

Since nearly every one in my office works through lunch, I’ve learned to only pack quiet foods. Crispy apples, crunchy pretzels, crackling crab legs, sizzling fajitas, or anything else that might disturb the white noise din, is hereby forbidden.

It’s not so bad, really. There are plenty of foods that don’t make a sound. Yogurt, bananas, soup (no slurping!), a wide variety of sandwiches…the list goes on.

Besides, if I ever do get a hankering for a celery stick or a ginger snap, I suppose I could always take to the sidewalk. I’d blend right in.

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