Aching for the Eighties

I miss the eighties. There. I said it.

What with the the big hair and bushy eye brows, punk music and padded shoulders, is it any wonder?

Nostalgia for my plate-less days has been swirling around my busy brain more often than not lately and I’m not sure why.

Could it be I long for the simplicity of my college days and pre-married life?

Perhaps it has something to do with the fateful career choices I made way back then.

Maybe it’s because my own kids are reaching the age that I was during the golden era of MTV.

In any event, there’s only one person who can help me figure out why I’m feeling grody to the max – Dr. Know-it-All (a.k.a., Mom).

PS: Doc, the playlist on my phone is filled with the Cure, the Pretenders and the Eurythmics, and my ringtone is “Cruel Summer.” What’s wrong with me?

DR: Nothing, dear. You simply have a disdain for modern music. Remember, I was your age when Madonna hit the air waves. It’s a common ailment among women like you.

PS (aghast): Like me? What are you implying? This is some kind of mid-life crisis? I thought only men had those.

DR (rolling her eyes): Calm down. It happens to everybody. Looking back on the carefree days of your youth could certainly prompt you to have certain, um, shall we say longings.

PS: Longings? I long for stuff all the time – sleep, chocolate, the demise of reality TV.

DR: No, I mean unusual longings. Why, I once knew a woman who ditched her career, moved to the dessert, and took up golf.

PS: Wait a minute. Wasn’t that you?

DR: Point being, maybe it’s simply time for a change. Something unusual, say, hot yoga or a whole new look.

PS: Exactly! That’s what I’m getting at. I want my fine hair to look full and my shoulders to look

ridiculously big so my waist looks tiny again.

DR: I see…well, in that case, why don’t you just get a perm?

PS:  I would in, like, a Miami Vice second if it would make me look 22 again.

DR: And the padded shoulders? Why not set a trend or, better yet, stop slouching?

PS: That advice is totally bitchin’…

DR: Don’t you swear at me, young lady. Have you been taking your calcium supplements?

PS: Totally. So, let me sum up. If I get a new ‘do and improve my posture, I’ll stop yearning for the past?

DR: Exactly.

PS: How can I ever repay you?

DR: Just remember this conversation when one of your kids reaches your age and is waxing nostalgic over twerking…

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